It’s something we all know is coming but not usually when or how. Despite that we aren’t always ready for the words.
Today I found out I have prostate cancer. I recognized it was a possibility when my PSA numbers jumped from my previous routine test, and then the follow up test 4 weeks later showed the numbers jumped again.
I had a needle biopsy soon after and today got the call. “You’ve got cancer.”
The doctor explained the possible treatments and so far I’m leaning towards the radiation. I took some time at work, made a list of things that are supposed to have anti-cancer properties and placed an order on Amazon. I don’t expect a miracle cure but want to fortify my cells to resist Ukrainian style.
I’m not too scared right now but acutely aware off what this means. Time is running out. It is always running out but now I can hear the clock ticking.
My main concern is my wife. How will she handle it? We don’t have a bunch of money. We still rent and she won’t be able to afford the rent on her own. My term life insurance expires in two months so unless I die quick she won’t be getting anything from that avenue.
I need to live as long as I can, and I’ll burn the candle at both ends to set aside whatever I can for my family before I go.
I won’t pray for a miracle. My life is no more valuable than those Ukrainian children and their families who were senselessly killed this week -or of any other of my fellow humans who have gone before. We all walk this path from the moment we are born. I will pray for strength to endure. To last as long as I can for the sake of those I love. Hopefully I have enough time to do some good.
Of course I hope that my treatment works but I learned early that life is an uncertain road. It is rife with twists and turns and sudden drops but also with moments of surprising joy and light.
I hope you take that time to tell the people in your life that they matter. Love them while they are living. Tears of regret shed after they are gone serve no one but yourself.
That’s all for now. Let’s see how it goes.